Why Sephiroth really went insane
by Jeneshisu Rapusodosu
Summary: You didn't really think Sephiroth went insane because he found out about Jenova right? This is the story's that lead up to his break down. Based in Crisis core time line. Warning: Characters are ooc.
1. Evil Lienses

Characters and Story is owned by square-enix.

Please read and review. Next chapter is already written and will be published next week.

**1. Evil Licenses. **

Sephiroth was not happy.

One may ask as to why and he'll give a lengthy description that'll take 12 pages of a word document in size 8 font, but because no-one really wants to hear a rant of big words that don't make sense most of the time, I'll make it simple.

You now needed a license to be evil.

Sephiroth didn't want to stay in Shin-Ra all his life, and knew that going evil was a good way to travel and make friends… Then kill them, but make friends nonetheless.

His current friends were made up of all the head cases Shin-Ra had on offer. Genesis Rhapsodos, the pyromaniac with an obsession with making his life hell, Angeal Hewley, the one too busy training worthless cadets to be of any help, Zack Fair, the puppy, Cloud Strife, the shy Cadet and the Turks, but they were another story.

The writer now asks if you know about Sephiroth, if you don't please move your mouse to the little x button in the top right hand corner, go to the nearest game shop and buy Final Fantasy VII. Or go shoot yourself in the head. The writer doesn't mind either way.

So you now see as to why Sephiroth now sat in a small office watching a fat little man (most likely a Palmer wannabe) typing away at a keyboard as he had been for 3 hours now.

"Ah! And we are done." The man said happily. That made Sephiroth wonder why he was allowed to make licenses to go evil, he was too happy.

"And your result Mr Sephiroth, is…" Sephiroth leaned forward in anticipation; he hadn't waited 3 hours, killed 12 staff members and blew up part of the building for nothing.

"You aren't evil enough for a license." The man smiled sympathetically and patted Sephiroth on the back. "Try again in a few years, and you might make it."

Sephiroth was outraged, How dare they tell him, the great General Sephiroth who was to go insane in the future over an alien head that claimed to be his mother.

Sephiroth then wondered if he should know that. "Probably not," he thought and went back to ignoring the voice that was narrating, like a good muse.

The door creaked open and a remnant by the name of Kadaj strode in casually.

If you don't know who Kadaj is, please don't bother renting advent children, just shoot yourself in the head now.

"Ah! Kadaj, Your results came back, you are fully eligible for a license to go evil!" the Palmer look-alike said cheerfully. Sephiroth just gaped.

"Hang on a sec, Kadaj is my REMNANT!" Sephiroth all but shouted "Why can he apply for a license, but I can't?!"

The man looked at Sephiroth and grinned. He was too happy and will be killed off later.

Sephiroth still wasn't happy.

"Genesis and Cloud have a license, so I thought I would get one, good idea, huh brother?" Kadaj said.

Evilly.

Because he was evil.

And evil kicks good's ass.

Because most bad guys are hot.

… The narrator is going to shut up now.

"Genesis?! Cloud?! But Genesis couldn't be evil to save his life!"

Famous last words.

"And Cloud is… well Cloud!" Sephiroth glared a fearsome death glare that would usually stop anyone in their tracks and freeze up. But the Man and Kadaj were un-phased.

Kadaj just gave Sephiroth a look and pointed at the wall where a picture of Cloud hung with the words: "Most likely to go insane over an alien head that claimed to be his mother" were carved under, on a shining, golden plaque.

Sephiroth was fuming, that should have been his place on the wall. Everyone knew he was the only one most likely to go insane over an alien head that claimed to be his mother. He was going to burn down Cloud's hometown for this.

The man continued to smile at Sephiroth, so he was stabbed with a seven-foot long sword. Like hell he wasn't evil enough to apply for a license, he'll just go steal Genesis' or Cloud's or something.

The narrator would now like to ask if you know who Genesis and Cloud are. If you don't know who Genesis is, it is understandable seeing as he is only in two games. If you don't know who Cloud is, Please go die in a hole… Or Google them.

Google is your best friend.

You done yet?

…

…

Thank you.

"This," Sephiroth decided "Was worse than when Lazard decided to put random Soldier members into McChocobo's because funding was low."

Poor Cloud never got over that. But I'll tell that story later.

Sephiroth stormed out of the building, ignoring Kadaj rolling his eyes at him. They were going to pay…

"One day I'll throw a meteor at Midgar… Just to prove I am evil." Sephiroth said to himself as he returned to Shin-Ra building, dodging the random fan girls who attempted to glomp him.

Because everyone knows fan girls are the sources of pure character angst.

And Sephiroth didn't angst. Angst was for blond spiky-haired characters who found out their memories were their best friend's and that they never made it into soldier, it was all a figment of their imagination.

Yes, That was irony at it's best.

Sephiroth gasped.

In front of the Shin-Ra building was the man from the evil license office. Perfectly unharmed.

The remains of a phoenix down floated around him.

Well that explained it.

"I'm sorry Mr Sephiroth, I'm afraid I can't let you join your friends, you know too much about us."

"Uh… Kay then?" Sephiroth said "And they're not my friends," he added as a second thought.

The Man (Yes, he gets capital letters now) stood in a battle stance.

Sephiroth drew his sword.

They prepared for the ultimate battle of their lives.

A Moogle died somewhere.

Sephiroth raised his sword and….

A Chocobo came running from around the corner and trampled The Man.

"Well that wasn't dramatic at all," Sephiroth muttered as he kicked at the remains of The Man. He left the body to rot in the street and entered the building; surprisingly the majority of SOLDIER was standing around something.

Sephiroth pushed his way through the crowd, who moved out of his way respectfully then started laughing.

In the centre of the circle was…

…Kadaj. Telling the story of how Sephiroth failed to get a license to go evil.

Kadaj wasn't seen for 2 months, and Sephiroth was smug about something the whole time.


	2. Genesis vs Sephiroth

I had no idea that this chapter didn't load. I'm very sorry.

I don't own final fantasy

2.**Genesis Vs Sephiroth**

Prep talks sucked.

No wait, Let me rephrase that:

Prep talks given by Generals in the army sucked, especially if you had to sit through it in complete silence.

… Yeah, that's better.

You can probably guess what was going on right now.

…

…

…

If you said anything other then Sephiroth giving a prep talk. Please go jump off a cliff, preferably one 100 metres high.

Genesis stood at the end of the line of 1st Class SOLDIERs, completely 110% bored. For most people, they would complain, but last time someone spoke during one of Sephiroth's talks… well, they are still cleaning the blood from the 48th floor.

But then again, most people hadn't mastered haste materia.

At least, most people who are in a boring prep talk hadn't.

And, of corse, Genesis was going to make the most of this…

Genesis activated his haste materia with a flick of his wrist. His best friend, Angeal, was the only one to notice the action. He then put his head in his hands. Angeal, unlike Genesis, Sephiroth, Cloud, Zack and the majority of the final fantasy casts, was not an idiot. He knew what Genesis had planned.

In a matter of seconds, the back of Sephiroth's hair was done up in millions of thin braids, each tied off with a pink ribbon of various shades.

One can wonder where Genesis got the ribbons from, but then again, some things are better left unsaid.

By now the brighter cadets had noticed and were attempting to hide their laughter.

Soon enough, everyone in the room had noticed…

…Everyone that is, except Sephiroth.

Sephiroth continued his prep talk, completely oblivious to what had happened.

"Hey Genesis, Was that the smartest thing to do?" Angeal whispered to Genesis.

"Hell no, I'll run later," Genesis replied, grinning.

Sephiroth finally noticed that everyone was trying not to laugh.

Well some had given up and had started laughing anyway.

They were brave people, who died in a way so tragically dramatic that I can't say.

… Ok, they were set on fire, but that's still dramatic… right?

Yes, of corse it is.

Sephiroth was confused. And a confused Sephiroth isn't the best Sephiroth to have around.

"Hey Sephiroth! Spin around!" Genesis yelled, trying not to laugh at him.

Sephiroth slowly turned around with no idea what was going on. By doing this, most cadets finally lost all self-control and burst out laughing.

The Narrator would like to know how many people have played crisis core and have any idea who these characters I keep mentioning are.

Actually, the Narrator would also like to know how many people have actually completed FFVII.

"Evil people don't have braids! No wonder you didn't get a license!" Some incredibly stupid cadet yelled. And everything went silent.

Sephiroth still wasn't happy about that.

By now Sephiroth had noticed the thin braids in his hair and did what any person most likely to go insane over an alien head that claimed to be his mother, with incredibly long hair would do.

He panicked.

This only caused everyone to laugh harder.

Sephiroth had a good idea who did this now.

Genesis had mysteriously vanished.

Needless to say, Prep talks were a lot more interesting after that.


	3. Playgrounds and Leather coats

Ah! sorry! I forgot about this story. please don't be put off. I'll put up the next chapter in a few hours... if i remember...

Disclaimer: I wish i owned final fantasy. but I don't

**3. Playgrounds and Leather coats really don't go together. **

There were many playgrounds in Midgar.

The one everyone knows about from playing Crisis Core is in sector 8 slums.

If you have never heard of this playground, please go find a PSP and play Crisis Core.

Then there is the one made on top of the plate for the rich kids that no one knew about.

Sephiroth learned something from all this.

Taking dares with drunken Turks is probably the stupidest thing possible.

By now you're probably wondering where the narrator is going with this. So I'll tell you.

Sephiroth has to climb on top of the monkey bars, in the rich kid's playground.

Yes, you may now laugh.

…

Ok, seriously, it's not that funny. Stop it.

Good. Now let me continue the story.

Sephiroth-

Hey! I said stop laughing!

…

You done yet?

Good.

Sephiroth glared at the monkey bars. He didn't see how this was fair. Leather coats are not the easiest things to climb in. And the kids watching were getting annoying.

"Um Sir? Do you need help?" A little girl asked watching Sephiroth confusedly.

"No. Go die." Sephiroth hissed.

Still trying to be evil enough to get a license.

It wasn't working as well as he planned.

"But Seph, getting up here isn't as easy as it looks" Genesis was sitting casually on the bars; he had made it up in 0.2 seconds.

Sephiroth hated haste materia.

And the fact Genesis was allowed to have his coat open, meaning easier movement.

Sephiroth also hated Genesis.

He was pretty sure there were still ribbons in his hair.

Genesis was laughing at the whole scene.

Sephiroth, Being the only one most likely to go insane over an alien head that claimed to be his mother, should be able to climb on top of monkey bars that only came up to his shoulder.

"Sephiroth, if it's that hard we'll go back and tell everyone of your attempt, yo."

Oh yes, I forgot to mention the Turks were watching.

Red-headed Turks should die for mentioning this as a dare…

Actually, in Sephiroth's opinion, all redheads could die.

Including Genesis.

Who was still sitting on the monkey bars taunting him.

Sephiroth put his hands on the edge bar.

Everyone leaned forward, not waning to miss a second of this.

Sephiroth pushed down on the bar and jumped.

Everyone burst out laughing.

Sephiroth landed on the other side.

"Seph, it's not that hard, if you have to, get one of the kids to show you," Genesis said, laughing.

"NO! I'll get this!"

Sephiroth was going to do this, even if it killed him…

...Or he destroyed the playground…

Either way, he'll be on top of the monkey bars.


	4. Braces

everything is copy write of themselves or square-enix

**4. Braces. **

Most people hate going to The Dentist.

I know I do, but this isn't a story about the narrator, it's a story about our favourite General, Sephiroth.

And Sephiroth, like most people, hated going to The Dentist.

Yes, The Dentist. Just like The Man, it gets capital letters.

So, you can all guess where Sephiroth was currently.

That's right, the waiting room for The Dentist.

See, its not that hard to use your brain.

If you said anything else please press the little x in the top right corner and go back to school where you should be.

"Sephiroth…uh… just Sephiroth? Ok, whatever, just get inside," the assistant, who was under-paid and had to give up his day off to help out today, said.

Sephiroth knew from this moment, that this wasn't going to end well.

"Ah, take a seat Sephiroth," The Dentist said.

The Dentist was another typical under-paid guy who had been bitten by bratty kids all morning, so he wasn't in a good mood.

Sephiroth, who didn't know this sat on the chair cautiously. For all he knew the tools on the table next to him were torture devices…

…That or he had an overactive imagination…

…He went with the second idea.

"So, how often do you brush Sephiroth?" The Dentist was still in a bad mood.

"Uh… every opportunity I get"

Little did Sephiroth know that only bushing when not in the war was a bad idea. And because he didn't brush enough, The Dentist would be angry and use the torture devices on him…

… No wait, that's my imagination now.

But the Dentist being angry wasn't my imagination.

"Sephiroth, I'm afraid you're going to need braces."

Sephiroth's world just shattered.

3 weeks and several hours of sitting in the damn chair later.

Sephiroth had braces.

Braces are a pain; the narrator knows this from experience.

Pity Sephiroth didn't.

Keeping his mouth clamped shut Sephiroth left the building and headed for Shin-Ra.

He passed the Evil License offices and set one on fire.

He was going to get an evil license.

Sephiroth walked through the door to Shin-Ra's main building, his mouth still shut tight. He went up to the 49th floor, aka the SOLDIER floor.

Please go and play Crisis Core if you have no idea what I'm on about. Seriously, you won't get anything if you don't.

Sephiroth moved into the briefing room, ignoring the looks of admiration from the 2nd and 3rd classes. There was a meeting about the Wutai's disagreement with using mako, but because it isn't interesting we'll leave that story.

Inside the briefing room there were 3 others, Lazard, the director of SOLDIER, Angeal who for once wasn't with the cadets, and Genesis.

Sephiroth was still mad at Genesis.

Sephiroth had already decided he wasn't going to say anything today.

"Nice of you to join us Seph, burnt down any playgrounds lately?" Genesis mocked.

So Sephiroth did the only thing someone most likely to go insane over an alien head claiming to be his mother would do.

He glared at Genesis.

"Uh, Okay then. I think I'm missing something, but open your booklets to page 2 and we'll start," Lazard said, confused. Sephiroth didn't care.

The meeting passed smoothly.

Well there was now a fire in the corner of the room, the glass windows were smashed and there were slices in the wall.

But as far as their meetings go, it was one of the better ones.

"Hey Sephiroth, what's in your mouth?" Lazard noticed. Sephiroth was not happy.

So Sephiroth glared at Lazard.

Angeal and Genesis left the room.

"You know Sephiroth, Braces aren't that bad"

Sephiroth wondered how Lazard figured it out.

Of course neither of them noticed Genesis recording the whole thing on his phone, so that he could send it to everyone.


	5. The Game

I've uploaded 2 stories today as an apology for them being really bad. i hope you can find something amusing in them both.

Ideas for new chapters are being taken. I already have a lost of 20 though (:

I don't own anything mentioned in this story

**5. The Game**

Have you heard of The Game?

If not please click the x in the top corner of the screen to delay the mind control for as long as possible.

…

…

Are you gone yet?

…

…

Ok, I'll continue now.

The Game has 3 simple rules:

You are playing The Game

If you think about The Game, You have lost the game

If you loose The Game, you must say it out loud.

By the way, I just lost The Game.

Yes, you may all groan and throw pitchforks at me now.

While you are hunting for pitchforks, I shall start the story.

Sephiroth looked down at his phone. He had a Text from Genesis.

Sephiroth debated on deleting it.

He still wasn't happy with Genesis.

But Sephiroth remembered the last time he ignored a text from Genesis and shuddered. He wasn't going to relive that experience again.

EVER.

…Yeah he would, but that's another story.

The text simply stated;

=You Just Lost The Game

-Genesis=

Sephiroth was confused. So he said so.

"I'm confused. What's The Game?"

There was silence.

Being in the training hall at the time Sephiroth expected someone to reply, but the useless cadets just gaped.

Stupid useless cadets.

No wait, Stupid useless blond spiky haired cadets.

"I JUST LOST THE GAME!" some random cadet yelled and everyone in the room groaned.

Now Sephiroth was more confused.

And because Cadets are only good for killing SOLDIERs when they escape from being stuck in a lab for 5 years, Sephiroth decided to ignore them and ask Genesis.

This wasn't going to end well.

=What's the game?

-Sephiroth, The only one most likely to go insane over an alien head claiming to be my mother=

=… Wow Seph, sheltered life much?

The game has 3 rules,

You are playing the game

If you think about The Game, You have lost the game

If you loose The Game, you must say it out loud.

-Genesis

P.S, You just lost the game=

Sephiroth looked at the message.

This had to be the most moronic thing he had ever heard.


	6. Pink

To make up for the last 2 chapters, i present you with this, aka the return of Genesis' pranking.

Slight Kingdom Hearts crossover, all you have to do is google the character if you don't know him.

(by the way, i think Sephiroth is hotter, but one of my friends insisted)

**6. Pink.**

No one likes the colour pink.

It is Evil.

So it'll obviously be used against Sephiroth sometime in the story.

Just so happens, that time is now.

Sephiroth trudged down the hallway; he had just come from the Wutai battlefield and was covered in mud and blood and anything else typically from a battlefield.

Worst part was that Genesis had been there.

Sephiroth was still mad at Genesis.

Because Sephiroth was Evil; and should have a licence.

For those who don't know, Sephiroth goes through one bottle of shampoo and conditioner every time he washes his hair.

Yes, I agree.

That's a lot of money spent on hair.

But because he was The General and the only one most likely to go insane over an alien head claiming to be his mother, Shin-Ra payed good money to keep him looking as he does.

Pity Sephiroth never expected Genesis to have tampered with one of the bottles as revenge for another boring prep-talk.

Sephiroth should have seen it coming.

I did.

Oh wait… I'm writing…

The electronic door to Sephiroth's apartment buzzed open as he typed in the code.

Shinra had very advanced security systems. It didn't work as well as planned because they were all idiots.

If anyone found out the code, they were all screwed.

Does anyone else see a future story?

I do! =D

Sephiroth stepped into the room and glared at the calendar, tomorrow was the big company meeting.

All day, Every NPC in the building sat in the small stuffy room and discussed boring stuff like economic reports and how to mess with the citizens' lives even more.

Sephiroth wasn't happy.

It could be worse; Cloud could be there.

It was bad enough Genesis was going to be there.

Sephiroth was still mad at Genesis.

Sephiroth raised his arm to punch the wall and noticed all the blood and mud had dried.

Swearing he walked off to his bathroom to have a shower, grabbing the slightly opened new bottle of shampoo as he passed.

He would regret it.

Skipping the shower scene because no one really wants to hear.

Unless you're a fan girl.

But even if you are, I'm not going to tell.

Because Kadaj is hotter anyway.

Sephiroth stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his hair and pulled on a bathrobe.

Having forgotten all previous reasons why he was mad, Sephiroth grinned and went to his bedroom and collapsed on the bed.

Well that was undramatic.

And sleeping isn't very exciting so I'll skip to the interesting part.

No. I'm not telling you what he was dreaming about. Use your imagination.

The next morning Sephiroth dropped the towel that he (I) forgot about on the bed and went about his morning rituals.

Leaving the apartment and setting anyone who passed him on fire for suddenly laughing at him, Sephiroth made his way to the meeting room.

There were a lot of half burnt people soon admitted to the local hospital.

Pushing the door open, Sephiroth strolled in casually.

Then glared at Genesis who burst out laughing.

The rest of the room's occupants joined in laughing, leaving a very confused and pissed off Sephiroth.

"What's going on here?!" Sephiroth shouted over their laughter.

"Evil people don't have pink hair!" Yelled the same random who keeps showing up.

Sephiroth grabbed at his long silver hair only to realise it was a hot pink. And did what anyone most likely to go insane over an alien head claiming to be his mother would do.

He panicked and ran from the room.

I shall now give you this moment to laugh.

…

…

…

A few hours and many bottles of shampoo later, Sephiroth's hair had turned a pale rose pink.

It was time for his application for and evil licence test take 2.

Sephiroth then realised pink is evil.

So he grinned.

Evilly.

Then went to the Offices.

"I'm sorry Mr Sephiroth, I'm afraid I still can't accept your application. Having pink hair just isn't evil." The fat man smiled apologetically and pat Sephiroth on the back then pushed him from the office.

A man with flared out pink hair strolled up to them, pink flower petals falling around him with every step he took.

"Ah, Marluxia. I have your licence right here." The Man gave "Marluxia" a slim laminated card.

Sephiroth just stood there in shock.

"About time. Ah! Who are you? Pink certainly looks good on you." Marluxia didn't wait for an answer and walked off, flower petals still being left in his wake.

The Man pressed a button next to the door signalling that there was going to be a mass murder, and Sephiroth turned on him.


End file.
